Finding Forgiveness and Restoration...

Found yourself on the receiving end of a heap of news or circumstance that was never on your bucket list?  Or, were you the one holding the bucket and pouring out contents you never wanted in your bucket to begin with and onto the one who you dreamed that you'd always protect and cherish?  Whether it is a recent event, or years ago, you probably still find yourself spinning at times and wondering if this is just your road, worse yet, your destination, and you are just yearning for more than an encouraging word, you need a drop of HOPE.

There are times that I have experienced disappointment or near devastation in my own marriage that my first reaction has honestly not been to turn to the One who can spring a hope that does not fail, instead, my initial response is to connect with someone who has been through something similar and is surviving and thriving: to have a face to face conversation with someone who can relate to the surroundings of the hole I have found myself in but is closer to the surface and has a broader perspective than the narrow view I have from the bottom.  However, through the years I have learned a little more about how the Lord works, and works without fail when I yield to Him first.  Yield to Him and His Word, and as He speaks and leads through the Holy Spirit, He will provide someone who has done the same and has the broader perspective to confirm exactly what He has been speaking to my heart.  And, that is just what He has done time and time again through my friend Cindy Beall.  She has just published her first book about how she found herself on the receiving end of a heart wrenching confession from her husband about a pornography addiction, multiple affairs, and a woman who was pregnant with his baby, yet today their relationship has been supernaturally restored to better than new: Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken.  And although I haven't found myself with the same circumstance, I know well what it feels like to have trust broken in marriage and floundered for years trying to find a way to piece it back together on my own strength.  Once I surrendered to the One who could show me the way, He has brought continued hope from a woman who speaks His truth to glorify God and encourages others searching for the restorative healing that only He can bring.

Reading through the book is like sitting down to have a face-to-face conversation with Cindy on her back porch, coffee with yummy creamer in hand, and a box full of tissues on the table nearby.  She reveals the experience in emotional detail and yet stands firm on the foundation of God's Word of how His truth steadied her and even held her in her times of utmost need.  She consistently points the reader back to the infallible truth that you have to look to and depend on the Lord.  Its not a "How To..." book, as many who have found themselves in a marriage where deception has been revealed know that no circumstance surrounding the marriage is the same, but her writing rests in the promise that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever" and His PROMISE never fails.

Laughing, crying and inspiring hope for what can be ahead, you'll want to read this and have a few copies on hand to give some hope through a woman's story that ultimately leaves you in awe of how nothing is too big for the Lord!

Whittaker's Performance

©2010 The Island Def Jam Music Group

Clip of Whittaker singing

Love to share with you...

Dear Friends and Family,
I was first introduced to Pastor Bethuel Dongo, a native of Uganda, more than 3 years ago while he was in the US to spread the word about Uganda Buyamba Outreach, a school and orphanage in the capital city Kampala. “Buyamba” in Lugandan, the native language of Uganda, literally means “help”. The orphanage was started to reach out to children who are impoverished, abused, and forgotten, as well as children who are victims of Africa’s AIDS pandemic. The orphan population in Uganda is growing at an alarming rate due to AIDS and neglect. Children, when left alone, turn to drugs, crime and prostitution in order to survive – we all know that is not the childhood we would want for our children. The mission of the outreach is to love and care for these children as young as 2 years old (like my youngest son, Harper) to high school aged and help them get an education so they can rise above their current circumstances. The daily care, support, love and education of these orphans is making a difference as these children experience the love of Christ.

I have had the extreme privilege and honor of serving Pastor Dongo and these amazing children since my first visit in 2007 where I first saw and experienced many things that have forever challenge my heart, attitude, and my “American Way” of thinking. I have learned a great deal about the power of love and determination through Pastor Dongo and his staff and what can be done if you have belief that Jesus cares about the condition of all humankind: schools can be built, children can be clothed and fed, and more importantly, children can be loved by the Lord through the care and support of others, even people they have never met and will never see. This can happen with your help. In a poor country like Uganda, a little can go a long way in changing the direction of a child’s life.


This year will mark my 3rd trip to Kampala, Uganda to serve and love on the children and staff and I have been very fortunate enough to have my trip paid for each time. Last year I set a goal to raise $1000 for my trip in order to purchase supplies in preparation, for expenses that arose en-route, and to be able to give where needs arose during the 2 weeks I spent there. One of the unexpected needs arose as we loaded the buses to take the kids to camp and had hundreds more children than expected. At the first evening meal, there was not enough food to serve many of the kids who had not yet been through the food line. An alternative plan went into action, using some of the rations for another meal to give those children something to eat for the night. As a group, we were able to collaborate funds to make sure that did not happen again. Many of you helped achieved that and more with your help last year and I was able to be the hands that linked your heart to theirs in meeting those needs. I was also able to make a cash donation to Pastor Dongo, telling him that “this gift was from people that loved him,” where he was able to make up for the sponsorships of some of the students so that the students could finish out their commitments. The appreciation that I saw in his eyes at that moment was one that I will never forget.

Want to know how you can help? 

• The first way is to commit to pray for me for my trip as well as my family who will be staying at home (my 5 year old, Whittaker, will start kindergarten a few days after my trip begins).
• Another way is to gather any pillowcases, bias tape, or ribbon and send them to my home address listed below- my wife is helping with The Pillowcase Project started by one of our friends who traveled with our group last year. To learn more about The Pillowcase Project, visit the website at:  http://www.thepillowcaseproject.blogspot.com
• The third way is to donate financially. This year I have set a new goal to raise $2000, that is double what was raised last year. Many of you may never get the opportunity to go to Uganda, by donating, gathering & praying you play a huge part in changing the lives and stories of thousands of children by giving back out of what God has given to you. No gift is insignificant. If you find it in your heart to assist the God Cares orphanage with a financial donation, please make your donation payable to Barrett Snare and send it to:

Barrett Snare
2525 Florence Rd
Keller, TX 76262


I understand the responsibility I have been given to care for these children. These are difficult times for many people and I would like to kindly and humbly ask for your help for the program in any way you can, knowing that prayers for a safe journey and return are also very much appreciated. Any financial donations received will be used to purchase items from soccer balls, clothes, shoes, (a prized possession for these children) to books, games and other essential items. Additional funds will go to the Orphanage and be used to buy medical supplies, HIV testing kits and toward a new high school with boarding that they are currently building. Pastor Dongo is one of my heroes and I completely trust his management of the dollars you give. I have seen his faithfulness with donations and financial management and experienced his commitment to meeting the needs of orphan children over his own.

The dates for our trip this year are August 19-30th. I will be keeping a journal and taking photographs and video during our trip and those will be posted when I return on my blog and social media accounts. If you would like to be included in those communications, please ensure I have your correct contact information if you have a twitter, facebook, or vimeo account. Thank you so very much for your kind and generous heart. Please visit the website at http://www.ugandabuyamba.com

Since my trip in 2007, I have been documenting what I have experienced in Uganda which you can read and watch here:

http://growinginseason.blogspot.com/2009/09/things-i-learned-in-africa.html
http://snareshare.blogspot.com/2009/07/bless.html
http://vimeo.com/6611883
http://vimeo.com/6486308
Thank you for your help, time and prayerful consideration,
Barrett Snare
Worship Pastor
Cross Timbers Community Church
Keller TX

Unveiled...

I wanted to let you know about our upcoming women's event, Unveiled. It is going to be an incredible night with some very special guests. Two of the girls who have been rescued from the brothels in India will be joining us! We will have the honor of praying for these ladies that night. You will also have the chance to worship, see the Goodnight Red Light film, and participate in a silent auction that will benefit the Red Light Rescue project. 

We are also in need of additional silent auction items. If you have something to donate, would be willing to purchase an item for the auction, or would like to ask local businesses to donate an item, please contact me before April 26th.

Women's Conference

You are invited to experience a

time for praise and healing as

we learn about how and why

to hold fast to Jesus with

guest speaker Cindy Beall.

April 17, 2010

8:30am- 3:30pm

Cross Timbers Community Church- Keller Campus

2525 Florence Rd- Roanoke, TX 76262

details ● map ● register

for more information about Cindy Beall, visit www.cindybeall.com

Give a unique gift for Christmas

Give a unique gift for Christmas

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Idea from my friend Glenda...

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8am

2. How do you like your steak? Medium plus

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Proposal

4. What is your favorite TV show? #1 LOST

5. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Exactly where I am. Just would get my family living here too.
6. What did you have for breakfast? a piece of melba toast

7. What’s your favorite cuisine? Oh, TEX-MEX for sure!
8. What foods do you dislike? shrimp, most seafood and anything else that has the same texture... BLAH!
9. Where is your favorite place to eat? Ted's Cafe Escondido in OKC
10. What is your favorite salad dressing? Girard's Light Ceasar

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Ford Explorer
12. What are your favorite clothes? Jeans and a tank top and cute shoes

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Santa Cruz, Bolivia

14. Is the cup half empty or half full? It is what it is, no matter what you call it, it doesn't change the truth that it is half of what it could or should be or half way to where you want to be.
15. Where would you want to retire? Near my grandchildren
16. What is your favorite time of the day? When Barrett comes home from work
17. Where were you born? Oklahoma City, OK
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? college basketball (most specifically, MARCH MADNESS!!!)

19. Are you a bird watcher? NO

20. Are you a morning person or a night person? night

21. What did you want to be when you were little? a lawyer
22. What’s your best childhood memory? playing basketball
23. Do you always wear your seat belt? almost always- CLICK-IT OR TICKET :)
24. Do you have any pet peeves? LIES!
25. Favorite type of pizza? Pepperoni and Jalepenos or Banana Peppers
26. Favorite flower? Hydrangeas

27. Favorite ice cream? Pink Grapefruit Sobetto
28. Have you done anything spontaneous lately? Yes
29. Do you like your job? I love love love my job.

30. Do you like broccoli? yes

Bless

We'd love for you all to meet Bless. Bless lives in Kampala, Uganda at an orphanage and school called God Cares that is run by Pastor Dongo and his wife. Barrett and I began to support Bless and his stay at God Cares in May with just $30 a month.

Barrett will be meeting Bless and many others that are at God Cares in August when he travels with Cross Timbers Community Church to run a children's camp in the Bush in Kampala.

If you'd like to help send some support to these kids like Bless, send Barrett an email at barretts@crosstimberschurch.org

Barrett would love to raise $1000 for the trip and supplies.

We appreciate your prayers for Barrett and the team and for me and the boys left here at home for 12 days.

Read About our Church on CNN

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/05/18/texas.church.collection/index.html

Inspiring

Watch this short 2 min clip:

Toby Highlights from 4-26-09 from John Rolf on Vimeo.

FIRES ME UP!!!

Choices

The last time I talked to my mom was on June 2, 2006. She called me to get my sister's number to wish her a happy birthday. We had idle conversation about whether my sister had a child (she does), had a husband (she doesn't), if I had a husband (I do), if I had any kids (I do), what was my address (which I dictated to her while she wrote it down). My birthday followed that October, my 30th, factually, I was not happy about turning 3o; I was not hurt or saddened that I did not receive a phone call from my mother or a card in the mail.

More than four years prior, I had finally chosen to walk in forgiveness for the painful years of unmet expectations about what a mother should be, what she should or should not say, for what she had not taken responsibility, for lies and half-truths she had said, for not being what I needed her to be for me, and for anything that may happen in the future. I have very few fun, happy or loving memories of my dysfunctional relationship with her. She had chosen to live a life void of accountability, fullness or hope. I chose to not allow any of her future choices to pierce my heart. The bitterness I held toward her was gone. I no longer held her to any standard of expectation, so when a seldom phone call or card came, I talked with her, I read the card, but the hurt was gone, but at some point along that road, so was the opportunity for any vulnerable fellowship. At some point, my boundary for what was going to be healthy and acceptable for me did not include any intentional fellowship with her.

She had met Barrett for the first time when we ran into each other. She saw me in the parking lot of a Home Depot near my hometown and approached us as we were walking into the store. He and I had been dating for almost a year.

The next time I saw her, about 18 months later, I had taken Barrett with me to visit her at her work unannounced because of an alarming phone message my sister had received from one of my mom's coworkers about an incident that happened my mom's second husband. Since my sister hadn't spoken with my mother in almost ten years, I made a choice to go check on her. We walked in and she approached us, asking if she could help us with something...
"It's me." I said.
"Can I help you with something?" she said again to the couple she saw standing at the entrance.
"Mom, it's Melanie, your daughter."
Watching her jostle her memory as if coming out of a stupor or trance, I could almost hear the gears of her mind creaking to put it together, when her mouth opened I thought for a brief moment that a receipt was going to print out.
"Oh," as she studied my face, "your hair is darker than I'm used to," she said, not sure what to do next.
At that point I was married and just a few months pregnant, she didn't notice my rings and I did not tell her that her third grandchild would be born, she hadn't even seen the first two, my nieces. Emotionally, she was all over the place. Jibber-jabbering one moment, crying the next, interjecting that Barrett "looked like Dale"- What?! Dale who? - "Dale, Jr." (my mom watched NASCAR? something you'd think a 28-year-old daughter would surely know about own mother). We walked her to her car, made small talk, made sure she had my contact info once more.

I didn't hear from her again until that day in June, her calling to wish my sis a happy birthday.

My mom gave birth to four daughters, three of which are living, fellowship with none.

Sometimes I wonder if she regrets having chosen her self-imposed victimization over seeking healing, taking responsibility and making amends. I haven't given up on the idea that it could happen, but regardless, those lost years, she'll never be able to get those back. She didn't see me walk down the isle, never held a newborn grandchild, never heard them call her grandma, she has never even seen my boys beautiful faces.

I choose to walk in forgiveness towards my mom.

New post at Growing In Season

http://growinginseason.blogspot.com/

New STAGE Design at the Keller Campus!

Rocking the new cut...with authority I might add

Biggie Smalls

The Tale of Two Pictures

Picture on the left is of Whittaker at 21 months; picture on the right is of Harper at 8 1/2 months.  The outfit is size eighteen months.

The Truth of It All

This is where it begins, the stop-light on the corner of N Tarrant and HWY 377.  My heart begins to quicken as we make the right turn to head south on 377 towards SuperTarget (A).  Not New Bursey Road, not the turn in between CVS and Chick-Fil-A, my heartbeat is picking up pace and beginning to ignite other physiological reactions of anxiety... not even the one between Chick-Fil-A and Burger King (COME ON!! I am screaming in my head), now passing Chili's, he's going to pass it altogether, does he even know where he is going??  I am outright clenching, toes, fists, jaw... probably my *cheeks* since they are now lifting off the seat while my head is reeling with the question of if he is even noticing what is going on or if he is totally oblivious to the driving laws of efficiency.  He is going to take the last possible entrance (then I realize there is one more a bit further past SmoothieKing, surely he won't go that far??)

This is the rhetoric that went through my head every time Barrett was driving us to Target, usually ending in me being obviously agitated and Barrett being confused about my disposition... what just happened??  Why couldn't I just voice it, because deep down, I knew it wasn't right, I wasn't right, but was he right for not taking the entrance that I would have taken??  

After numerous visits of frustration or "verbal direction" as to where the SuperTarget is located, I finally just started talking it through.  "Barrett, every time we come here, I have so much anxiety about which entrance you are going to take or if you are going to pass it altogether [he nearly did once while telling me a story... I verbally responded out of my anxiety and was followed by Whittaker shouting "Oh Sh*t!" from the backseat... I don't know where he learned that :) ]  I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it has and I just need to confess that to you and I need to reconcile that this is the entrance that you prefer to take, regardless if it is the one I would take based on the time of day and traffic.  I am sorry that it has been a big deal, that I have made it a big deal."

In subsequent visits, I have to again confess my anxious thoughts and remember that it is OK, that I know what entrance he will take and it isn't a big deal, even though I still experience the same physiological reaction that can only be calmed by rational thought and assurance.  Barrett has reassured me, and has even chosen to take an earlier turn just to make my heart happy... and it did, but not just because of the turn, but because he was choosing to reassure me that he listened, that he knows my heart and that he was willing to make a compromise just for the sake of pleasing me based on information he would have never known otherwise if I hadn't just broken down and confessed my crazy obsession.  

The truth of it all... they'll never know unless you can responsibly communicate your expectations, not crazy outbursts or worse, silent flustering followed by a "nothings wrong" statement.  That doesn't mean my expectations will always be met, but it does give an insight to the one who I truly desire to know me like the Lord knows me.  The Lord knows my every thought and desire, but still the communication I have with Him (speaking and listening) allows our relationship to flourish.  I find that as I do the same with Barrett and he with me, we begin to willingly meet expectations and offer compassion knowing when they weren't met.  Each time it happens, we choose to take another step closer to building a better relationship rather than standing our ground and creating more distance between us.  And, because honestly "For Better or For Worse" is too often in the choices we make.

My Heart Swells

Thanks Shelby...

... for tagging me :)

I was tagged in the picture game by my friend Shelby. The object of the picture tag is to:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3) Explain the picture.
4) Tag 4 people to do the same.
No cheating (cropping, editing, etc.) Have fun!!!

This picture was taken in July, I believe, and was posted on our blog previously. We took the picture since Harper was wearing the same onesie that Whitty had on in a picture 3 years before.

Now I am going to tag Barrett, Tara, Lindsay and Michelle Hurt.

He said...

... Momma, come watch me!!

... Are you finished?

... Um, no.  I got two poo-poos in 'dare.

... Ok... so are you done?

... Nnnnoo.  Um, get my jeans.

... Well, Whitty, I am not going to put your jeans on 'til you've finished poopin'.

... But, go get 'em.

... Do you want me to go?

... No, don't leave me Momma.  Go talk to Barrett.